


Monster

by imaginaryfriendashkun



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AU, Angst, Avengers Family, Denial of Feelings, Descriptions of torture and violence and abuse - triggers, Friend Steve, Gen, Hurt Bruce, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oblivious Tony, Supernatural Elements, black magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-26 08:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6230449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginaryfriendashkun/pseuds/imaginaryfriendashkun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We know Bruce turns into the Hulk when he is angry or hurt or in danger. What if he turns into something else when he is depressed and cannot be even saved by Hulk? Only Steve knows this, Steve and Bruce have come a long way as friends.</p><p>Tony is curious and a little bit jealous of Steve. He keeps on pushing Bruce because he wants to know and Bruce snaps and everyone regrets what happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tainted

**Author's Note:**

> First Avengers Fic, hope I did justice to their characters, Tony - a little hard to capture his intentions.  
> Hopefully the OOCness is minimum  
> Really wanted to write a fic with concentration on Bruce - a beautiful character  
> Tony/Bruce - has a lot of potential as science bros, boyfriends - wanted to write that too  
> Please point out any glaring mistakes - grammar, plot, characterization, tense etc so I can improve  
> AU - so I have changed certain elements regarding the Marvels Universe

Bruce tosses and turns a little in his sleep. Steve holds his hand through everything and he can't bring himself to sleep a wink. It is hard to believe that someone like Bruce is tainted, he really must have been through a lot.

 

Steve remembers how Bruce told him hesitantly and hates the choice of words that Bruce used to describe himself. Steve doesn't like it when Bruce doesn't respect himself.

 

**********

 

"I am t-ainted... I am not p-ure."

 

Steve shakes his head. "Please don't talk like that about yourself, Bruce. I will hurt anyone who tries to hurt you. I will stop you if you hurt yourself because you deserve a good life. You are a very kind person. I am glad I came to know you and got over my initial thoughts about you. You deserve respect and you deserve to be treated well and understood. Don't do this to yourself."

 

Bruce hesitantly smiles and crosses his fingers again and again. He finally tells Steve everything. At first Steve doesn't understand. Initially, Steve assumed that Bruce had meant 'tainted' literally but as Bruce speaks, he understands that it's a term related to magic, related to what Bruce has become. Still, he doesn't like the word being associated with Bruce because Bruce is definitely not 'not pure' and he can vouch for Bruce anytime. He knows Bruce. How can Bruce call himself that without any sadness, regret or hesitation?

 

To Bruce, it feels as if he has unloaded a heavy burden. And as he looks into Steve's eyes, he doesn't see disgust but understanding and for the first time, he is glad he has told someone. The previous tries with Betty and some other people he had gotten to know over time had gone horribly wrong. He doesn't tell Steve all the gory details about what happened, Steve doesn't call him out on it either. Steve wouldn't poke at Bruce, Steve can keep his curiosity at bay unlike the others, especially Tony.

 

Bruce doesn't want a repeat of that, his past. He won't be able to take it. He is glad Steve is non-judgemental and not narrow minded.

 

**********

 

Steve sighs remembering the way the Avengers had treated Bruce initially. No one had trusted him because of the other guy, everyone had been weary and had kept Bruce at arm's length, as if they didn't want the other guy to make an appearance because of them. They had walked on tip toes around Bruce. It had taken a lot of time for them to warm up to him and Bruce had just stayed helping them all no matter how they had treated him.

 

It's like Bruce was used to the way people behaved around him. Such a sad notion. Steve himself had called him 'Dr. Banner' and hadn't trusted Bruce to have control over the Hulk.

 

He feels guilty just thinking about how they hadn't tried to understand or help him. He had to thank Tony because Tony had reached out to Bruce when no one had, Tony had accepted both Bruce and Hulk and Bruce had stayed reluctantly.

For the first time, Bruce had something to wait for, something to look forward to, someone to look forward to... someone who didn't want him to change or treat him as if he were fragile. Tony had treated Bruce well, honestly...and that was exactly what Bruce needed, at least. Tony had believed in not only Bruce but also the Hulk.

 

Thanks to that the Hulk actually speaks with Bruce and the team nowadays. Bruce can bring Hulk out at will. Hulk has better control and is learning, he knows what to smash and what not to smash, he knows who is a threat to Bruce and who isn't, he knows that he is not alone anymore, that the Avengers are there with him.

 

On the other hand though.... even now, he knows that Bruce didn't trust them enough, sometimes still doesn't.... he could leave any moment. Steve wouldn't say it out loud to Bruce in fear that the man would run away or worse not believe it, but he doesn't want Bruce to leave, none of the Avengers do.

They all have become a weird, dysfunctional family and prefer staying at the Stark towers. Even though they have helped save the world from weird things countless times, some of the people, hell, even some members of S.H.I.E.L.D are afraid of them.

There's a reason for that. The members are all strong and can destroy the Earth easily. But Steve knows that none of them would do that, he believes in all of them with his heart. Even though they behave as they do, they all have good hearts, they are afraid to show it to others because of existing stereotypes.

 

It's difficult for people to accept things that aren't normal and the Avengers definitely aren't normal, in a good way. That's why they prefer to stay together and not only that, they have over come all childish insecurities, problems, hatred and have even come to like and respect and understand each other's presence, actions and thoughts. They have grown as a team, and if Steve dares to say, as a family.

 

Bruce is the kind of person who would put others before himself. He would never want to hurt anyone in any form. Especially, he has grown closer to the Avengers and he would rather disappear from their lives rather than hurt them by mistake.

 

Bruce lacks the self confidence. Steve knows he is very smart and kind and has a weird innocence around him, yes, even after everything he has been through and the man doesn't flaunt it unlike Tony. Steve wishes Bruce would understand how much worth he really is, to everyone, especially to the Avengers.

 

Bruce doesn't believe Tony or Steve when they tell him that he is a part of their 'Avengers' family.

 

It must have been painful to live a lonely life like that, it must be painful to live like that still. To have a family who cares and still not being able to believe it. He desperately hopes that he can help Bruce, that they all can help him. He doesn't want Bruce to hurt himself anymore.

 

He can't imagine a life like that because he is a lively (not as much as Thor and Clint and weirdly, Tony) person, loves company (only the Avengers, that too normal Avengers, not when they are in weird moods, mind you, Sam, Bucky), is frank, fights for what he believes is right and deals with everybody and everything in a straight forward way. Things are simpler that way. He learnt it the hard way and has lost a lot of people, he doesn't want to lose anyone anymore.

 

Bruce on the other hand is opposite in every way. No matter how much he tries to mingle and be happy, something always holds Bruce back. Steve wants to break that.

 

Ironically, Steve thinks that Bruce is a 'Healer' but he is the one that needs healing the most - his heart, body, mind, emotions, memories and soul need a lot of healing.

 

He will definitely help Bruce even if Bruce doesn't want him to. He doesn't know if others need to know or not. For now, he will keep Bruce's secret.

 

He feels a surge of protectiveness in his chest, as he looks at Bruce now. God, how hard it must be... why does Bruce think he is on his own always? The truth is Bruce is not, the Avengers will do anything to help him, why can't Bruce see that? What should they do to make him see them?

 

Why does Bruce try so hard to be independent, thinking that there is no one to support or help him? How difficult it must be to have gotten used to the loneliness, it has made Bruce strong but no one has to go through something like that.

 

**********

 

Steve finally lets go of Bruce's hands and makes his way down. He knows that he is going to be bombarded with questions immediately. 

He smiles as he walks down, if Bruce had been awake, he would have felt shy that Steve was holding his hands, he probably would have asked Steve to even leave. But the fact that Bruce had slept, though fitfully, in Steve's presence shows that Bruce was warming up to the Avengers.

 

After all, Bruce had turned down other's invitations and had chosen to go out and spend the whole day with Steve. And when they had returned to the Stark Tower, Bruce had headed up to his room without saying anything to anyone. Steve had silently followed Bruce and had stayed till he fell asleep.

 

Steve can't blame Bruce because the day had been exhausting mentally for Bruce. He can't blame the others too for being curious because they were all very protective and curious when it came to Bruce, especially Tony.

 

Moreover, Bruce had been behaving weirdly the entire week. The fact that Bruce told Steve today about himself explains and justifies why Bruce was behaving strangely. It also is a proof that Steve and Bruce's relationship has grown stronger. Steve himself had shared a few things about his past, army, Peggy and Bucky and his feelings with Bruce.

Bruce had helped him fit into the 21st century. Bruce had helped him deal with his phobia for the cold. They had grown closer and if that had triggered Bruce to reach out, he isn't complaining.

 

No one had told anything to Bruce's face because that would only have driven him further into his own shell. He is glad that the Avengers have given Bruce some space for the past week but their patience is wearing thin. They are going to explode It's OK, Steve can take it, for Bruce's sake, Steve can deal with things without hesitation.

 

Tony, Thor, Natasha and Clint are waiting for him on the couch in the living area. They all notice as he comes in and sits down slowly. 

 

Thor doesn't hesitate at all. He just asks, "Friend Steve, what's going on with Bruce? Is the good doctor doing well? He seemed put out today."

 

Clint nods, "Is he really okay? He looked like he was about to cry or kill someone... can't say for sure which is going to happen." Steve rolls his eyes. Trust Clint to try to lighten the mood even in this situation.

 

Tony doesn't beat around the bush, "Why the hell are you so freaking upset? Can't we all help him together? Why the hell did he choose you over me to tell something important?"

 

Steve sighs weakly, "You probably know what I am going to say."

 

Clint, Thor and Natasha look like they had expected it and nod lightly. They are kind of patient, they would wait till he told them or till Bruce was ready but Tony on the other hand... Tony strangely becomes possessive and territorial when it comes to Bruce.

 

It's going to create problems with Steve but Steve doesn't mind, he can deal with Tony as long as Bruce is happy.

 

Tony gets up and starts pacing around. Natasha shakes her head at Steve.

 

Tony loses it. "Bull shit! How can we help him without even knowing what is wrong? You just expect me to accept this silently?"

 

Natasha sighs and glares at Tony. "He is not a toy, Stark. You think you can poke and prod at him like your research and engineering machines? He will break. Give him time. He will come to you."

 

Even Thor looks angry at Tony's outburst. "Friend Stark, what is the good doctor to you? An experiment? Do you want to know about him because you actually want to help him or just because you are curious?"

 

Clint rolls his eyes, "You are just jealous because Bruce told Steve first instead of you, pipe down, Tony."

 

Natasha just smirks. Steve tries to hide his smile at Clint's blunt tone. Thor and Tony just stare at Clint without knowing what to say.

 

Tony doesn't look like he is going to give up. He is not going to back down. Steve feels a head ache coming on.

 

Tony turns to Steve and growls, "What's this sudden interest in him? Why are you being best buddies with him suddenly? You suddenly want to protect and help him? For what? Is it because he is so special now?"

 

Steve's patience bubble is going to burst any moment soon. He feels angry at Tony's thoughtlessness and his own helplessness.

 

Steve walks forward and grabs Tony's collar and hisses, "You wouldn't say that if you know what's really wrong, Stark, so don't do this now..."

 

Clint and Natasha don't rush towards Steve because they know that Steve won't get into a physical fight with Tony. Thor, however rushes towards them just in case.

 

Tony just glares at Steve and slaps Steve's hands away. Steve backs off.

 

Tony hisses, "I don't understand why he is just so over protective all of a sudden over Bruce. Even you guys... none of you liked Bruce in the first place anyways, remember? After that only you all warmed up to Bruce. I wasn't like that, at least."

 

All of them shake their head. Tony wouldn't be speaking like this if he were in his right mind. Tony feels betrayed that Bruce didn't come to him first. He feels angry and alone. They all realize that Tony really, truly loves Bruce. Does Bruce know about this...? Because they are pretty sure that Bruce loves Tony too.

 

Steve just sits down,, "This is not about that, Tony, you don't understand, you don't even know, hell, even I don't know the full details."

 

Steve had known it would be bad but this is really the worst, more than he had anticipated.

 

Tony whispered, "Then, enlighten me, tell us..."

 

Steve looks away, "Bruce himself will and that is final. Do not disturb or ask him about this, Tony. No one will pester him.... except you, that is. So, don't do it. Leave him alone. Or you will face my wrath and you will regret it throughout your life. For Bruce's sake, let this go for now. I am asking you as a friend, Tony."

 

So saying, Steve leaves. Clint just pats Tony on his back and nods, "Give him some space." 

 

Natasha lightly slaps Tony and Tony looks very surprised. "You are being a brat, Stark. Cool down and then come talk to us. Don't do anything stupid."

 

So saying Natasha, Clint, Thor leave.

 

Tony kicks the couch and leaves to his own room.

 

None of them realize that Bruce has heard everything.

 

**********

 

Bruce couldn't really sleep after that. His memories of his past keeps haunting him again and again, especially the people he had hurt - knowingly or unknowingly.

 

It had taken a lot of courage to tell Steve. Somehow he had wanted to yet at the same time not wanted to tell Steve. He had just wanted to tell someone and the first choice had been Steve because their relationship was growing. He never had anyone to talk to before, unlike Steve and Tony and the other Avengers.

And for the first time, he wanted to reach out and try and get help because he knows that he would definitely feel better if he were to talk to someone. And the Avengers would understand, especially Steve.

They have all been through similar traumas and situations and they wouldn't judge or laugh at his face or use him again. He just wanted to be free. He had never felt like this before. It was all thanks to living with the Avengers.

 

He still doesn't know if this is good or bad. He was always used to being alone. He just hopes that if a situation were to arise again, he can go back to surviving on his own. He doesn't know if this is going to make him weak or strong. 

 

He had never had anyone to depend on unlike now. The other Avengers too had similar trust issues. He just hopes that this wouldn't blow on his face and on others. The sad thing is that he himself cannot help but be doubtful even when he is happy and free. How long will it last? Is it just a dream or an act? He hopes he can become stronger and face all his problems and become a better person. 

 

And... he had remembered everything, all the painful memories, as he had told Steve.

 

He had known that Tony would be upset but Steve would understand better. He loves Tony but Steve is a good friend. Tony is rash but Steve is patience personification and that's what he needs right now. Tony would try to make him feel better, he doesn't want that. He just wants someone to listen, understand... Steve would do that. Tony would feel a little bit guilty too for not noticing. It's not Tony's fault at all. Bruce knows Tony very well and he doesn't want to make Tony uncomfortable.

 

There was no way he could have hidden this from Clint, Thor, Natasha or Tony. That's why he hadn't even tried to hide that he was going out with Steve on a personal matter. They would find out everything - nothing can be hidden from the Avengers family.

 

Bruce wonders, does he really belong as a family member? Or were the others just too nosy in his business?

 

**********

 

Surprisingly it is Tony who walks in first, he usually never woke up that early - it was Steve or Bruce himself who were always up that early, both of them were the ones who prepare break fast on shift basis for everyone, after all.

 

Bruce feels heavy all of a sudden. He closes his head and smiles, "The usual, Tony?"

 

Tony nods wordlessly. Bruce can tell that Tony is still angry after a night's sleep at Bruce's decision.

 

Bruce places scrambled eggs, toast and bacon along with his favorite orange juice in front of Tony.

 

Tony starts devouring them. That's a good sign. Tony eats only when Bruce or Steve cooks.

 

He then looks at Bruce, "Aren't you going to eat? Why are you just looking at me?"

 

Bruce smiles, "I have to make breakfast for the others, then I will eat."

 

Tony just nods. He finishes everything, wipes his plate clean.

 

"Are you going to freaking pretend that nothing's wrong? Aren't you even going to give me some lame fucking excuse?"

 

Bruce winces at Tony's choice of words. He sure doesn't like to mince or tone down things, that is Tony for you. He looks at Tony, "I just need some time, Tony."

 

Tony mutters, "What's that supposed to mean?"

 

Bruce feels nervous, he doesn't know how to deal with Tony for the first time. He has already hurt Tony, he doesn't want to anymore. "Please, Tony."

 

Tony grinds his teeth, "Are you telling me that you are not fucking ready to tell me of all people?"

 

Bruce sighs, "Don't twist my words, Tony."

 

Tony growls, "Stop playing games with me. Don't you dare, Brucey!"

 

The fact that Tony uses his nick name shows that he is hurt a lot. Bruce is even more hurt by this fact. It's like Tony doesn't want to trust him anymore. This is not a betrayal, why won't Tony try to understand or give him the space he needs for now? He wants to set things right with Tony. Bruce shakes his head desperately, "I would never do that, I have never done that."

 

Tony smirks, "If so... why don't you tell me what the heck is wrong with you to my face? If you do, I will be satisfied and accept that you aren't playing games with me, Banner. I never thought that you would do this-"

 

Before Tony could finish his sentence, the glass of juice which Bruce had been holding shatters to pieces.

 

Bruce's eyes are ablaze with fury and completely black in color. He takes a few deep breaths and runs out of the dining area just as Thor, Steve, Clint, Natasha walk in.

 

Steve shakes his head in disappointment, "What did you do this time?" The fact that Steve doesn't walk forward to help Tony with his cuts shows that he is disappointed in Tony.

 

Tony doesn't know what to do, he knows that something is very wrong with Bruce. But, he cannot get over his anger and betrayal to help Bruce. He walks away without saying anything to the four of them, it looks like they wouldn't understand him anymore, not even Steve. Steve is on Bruce's side after all. This makes Tony both happy and angry at the same time.

 

He is not going to give up though. He will find out what Bruce is hiding from them all and help Bruce even if it hurts him. He will make the others understand that it's better for Bruce to be not alone.


	2. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Unbetaed' as usual  
> Hopefully, I have done justice to the characters :)  
> I want to improve, so please point out any mistakes or leave ideas if you can :)

Bruce sighs. He cannot even leave. Jarvis would notify everyone and hell, Steve is right there, staying on Bruce's floor, right next to Bruce's bed room. He cannot sleep, he feels suffocated. He never thought that he would feel like this because of Tony.

 

He has never hesitated before. Nothing ever him stops from leaving when he stays at a new place, beginning his routine all over again. This time though, something holds him back. 

 

He can ask Jarvis to not tell the others but he believes that Jarvis would tell anyway. He realizes that, at some level... he believes in the people who currently live with him. He believes, wants to believe that they don't want him to leave. Especially Steve and Tony.

 

He gets up, he steps outside his room and immediately, Steve is there. Bruce just smiles and rolls his eyes. Steve had made sure that Bruce was never left alone mostly after what had happened with Tony. Bruce is glad for the company because he is sure that if he were alone, he would do something stupid.

 

Steve smiles kindly, "Hungry?"

 

Bruce nods. He had skipped his dinner because he didn't want to be around Tony. Steve holds onto Bruce's hands and drags him to the common hang out place. Bruce notices that Steve doesn't let Bruce stay on his own floor a lot. It looks like Steve has noticed that staying on his own floor affects Bruce's moods.

 

Thor, Natasha and Clint are sitting there as if they have been expecting Steve and Bruce. This doesn't surprise Bruce at all. Natasha and Clint naturally notice a lot of things by default, even the minute ones. Natasha is looking at them as if she wants to say, 'Took you long enough', even though she doesn't say it out loud.

 

Thor is bouncing up and down on the couch and tapping his legs again and again, it looks endearing to Bruce but the others find it annoying. Bruce can tell without even looking because he is sure that they just rolled their eyes at Thor.

 

Clint yawns, "How the hell can you be so hyper? It is nearly 3 A.M, Thor."

 

Steve looks at Natasha, "Did he have anything to drink, probably with sugar or something similar to make him high?"

 

Clint chuckles, "No." Natasha looks away which makes Steve and Bruce suspicious. They don't comment on it though. They don't want to be at the receiving end of these pranks. Usually, Thor was the one who took the brunt of Tony, Clint and weirdly, even Natasha's pranks. 

 

They all hear a sound and see that it's Tony. Everyone realizes that Tony is here for confrontation. They honestly hadn't expected Tony to be here at 3 A.M, usually he was either working and didn't want to be disturbed or he was asleep, completely out after drinking. Just when Bruce was beginning to feel glad that Tony wasn't there and was going to make himself comfortable, this happens.

 

Tony glares at them all. "Having a little get together without me? Did Bruce tell you all everything? Having fun keeping secrets from me?"

 

They all realize that Tony probably asked Jarvis to tell him if they were gathering. Usually Jarvis wouldn't do things like this because J listens to everyone, not just Tony anymore and analyzes the best outcome and acts according to it. But Tony must have said something to Jarvis, something really meaningful and serious. 

 

Or maybe Jarvis just has developed a completely wacko weird sense of black humor - (Tony is his creator after all and being with Tony all the time must rub off something on to people or even AI at times, especially if that AI was Jarvis. After all, Jarvis was more like a very very damn brilliant person without a physical body) - or has decided to be rebellious and all of a sudden and just wants this awkwardness to end.

 

Natasha hisses, "Shut up, Stark! Don't poke your nose into things you can't-"

 

Tony raises his hand to stop her. He goes near Bruce and pokes his chest again and again. "I was the first one to accept you, do you remember that fact, big guy? Are you having fun with Steve behind my back? I thought you were in love with me? Seems like you are being chummy with Steve, huh?"

 

That is a low blow and everyone gasps. Tony has crossed the limits. Before someone could say something, the whole atmosphere changes. It is starting to fill with some kind of black energy and everyone looks at Bruce immediately and they know that they have to get away.

 

Bruce's eyes have turned completely black and everyone is blasted off of their feet except Tony.

 

A barrier surrounds Bruce and Tony. Nobody can move except Bruce, everybody is frozen in place because of the intensity of Bruce's transformation.

 

Bruce turns away from Tony and starts coughing up blood, he falls on his knees. Everybody can see only Bruce's back from where they are standing (Tony's case) or where they have fallen (the others minus Tony and Bruce).

 

Bruce's whole body starts trembling and they can hear painful grunts and screams and none of them wants to accept the fact that Bruce is the one who is screaming as if he is being burned alive or stabbed multiple times.

 

Then his whole body starts to change and morph and grow, his bones break and reform themselves, his nails grow, his hair grows and turns completely white, he is a few inches taller and very very thin, sickly thin. 

 

He starts scratching himself everywhere on his body as if he is trying to stop what is happening, to fight against it but they all realize by this point that it is futile. That, Bruce can do nothing to save himself. He is bleeding from almost everywhere... he groans and curls into himself.

 

They can hear pants and moans as the transformation completes horrifyingly in front of their eyes and silently hate the fact that they can't move to help him. Can they even help him? What can they do? This doesn't look like the usual Hulking out transformation. This looks more like something which involves black magic which is conformed by the way Thor is gasping, as if he knows what this is.

 

Thor is opening and closing his mouth and everyone is put into even more shock because Thor always has a come back for everything. 

 

He is usually loud and confident and even though he doesn't know what to say at most times, he always tells something, even though that something is usually misunderstood or inappropriate for the situation... he always speaks confidently in a booming voice with almost a child like presence, huge presence, none the less. 

 

But now, even Thor is completely silent and this causes everyone to shudder inwardly and outwardly.

 

Tony is inside the barrier, he can finally move, the others can too. They all rush towards the barrier as he rushes towards Bruce horrified, terrified and extremely disgusted and ashamed of himself at what he has done to Bruce. He doesn't even know what he has done though but it is something completely disgusting, of that... he is sure.

 

He hesitates and reaches out to Bruce slowly, "Bruce...? I am so sorry, forgive me, what hav-e I d-one? My g-od... B-rucy?"

 

The form before him trembles and gets up so quickly and slams Tony's back against the wall with his hand around Tony's neck.

 

Bruce's face is still down and hidden by his mane of white hair.

 

Tony whispers, almost chants in a trance like state continuously, "I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, sorry... sorry Bru-ce... sorry..."

 

Bruce finally looks up and everyone gasps and draws a step back. Tony has never been so frightened in his life.

 

This isn't their beautiful or kind or innocent Bruce.

 

This is an evil demon, at least, the appearance is like that. The face is covered in scars and burns and boils and is not the usual pale white but jet black. The eyes are narrow, one is black and the other is changing color periodically between white and red. His back is hunched. 

 

His skin is very pale, pasty and has a sickly disgusting look and feel to it. There are no ears. Instead of a nose, there are two narrow slits. The mouth is a thin line without lips.

 

Bruce slowly lets Tony down and starts crying.

 

"This is why I am tainted, got it? Because I tried to kill myself again and again. Because I am paying for how I have hurt innocent people even though I didn't mean to. I was captured by people who knew magic, like Loki - they wanted me to use my powers to hurt more people. I refused. They brought out the worst in me. They experimented on me. Thought they could control the Hulk in me and could make him do things which I refused to. They wanted me to submit, the Hulk to submit."

 

"They burnt me, gutted me, drowned me, shot me, hit me, strangled me, slit my throat and wrists but I didn't fucking die no matter how much I wished, the Hulk wouldn't let me, they abused me physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually in every sick, twisted, fucked up... painful way. I remember it all in clear detail, I don't want to... but, I do."

 

"And this is the end result. I turn into this tainted monster... whenever I am depressed. Even the Hulk can't save me in this form!"

 

His voice is hoarse and raw and everyone winces. Initially he stuttered but that is gone now.

 

"I couldn't take it anymore. I became weak. I broke, I wanted to escape their torture, I wanted to die, I couldn't die, I couldn't escape their black magic, I didn't want to be tortured anymore, I did what they asked, I did evil things, I helped them and ended up even more broken, fallen, poisoned and tainted. In this form, I am filled with black magic when I turn into this form."

 

"The Hulk was suppressed by them, bound by their magic. If it were brute force, Hulk could have escaped and own by sheer will to protect me but even he couldn't fight against their black magic when they tortured me."

 

"Do you want to know what I did just to escape, when I was under their fucking influence? Do you know how it feels when your own mind isn't yours but belongs to someone else. It's your body but the thoughts are put in by someone else, it's like having schizophrenia!" 

 

"I thought I was going insane, that it would last forever, that they would keep constantly whispering, I couldn't even shut my fucking ears or get them out of my mind! You don't want to know the things I did just because I didn't want to feel pain, I was a selfish fucking bastard, their puppet on strings, I could have refused, should have but I didn't!"

 

He screams the last part, "Are you happy now, Stark? Knowing everything about me? This is what you wanted, right? You must be feeling so proud of yourself now, after all, you have accomplished what you have been meaning to. You wanted everyone to know, didn't you? About me?"

 

His face contorts in pain and he coughs up more blood. "No matter what I do, I can't get rid of this form or the Hulk or myself."

 

He falls onto his knees as painful convulsions wrack his body.

 

He gets up again and black magic envelopes Tony's entire body as the others watch in hopeless horror. They cannot help Bruce or Tony when they want nothing more than that, desperately.

 

The flames fade away and in place of Tony, stands Bruce's horrific form.

 

Bruce screams, "Now, you wanted to know everything about me, right? Go on, learn every thing you want, know everything you want. At the same time, try controlling the black magic, if you succeed, Stark, I will stop hurting myself."

 

So saying, he starts clawing at himself hard.

 

Tony in Bruce's form stutters, "No, no, please, don't hurt y-our-se...lf... pl...ease... I c-an-'t... pl...eas...e.. l..et... me... go, ju-st... please don't hurt yourself, god damn it! Bruce!"

 

Bruce stops after what seems like a long time.

 

"How does it feel? Suffocating, right? As if you are bound, right? That's what it means to be me, no, that's what it means to be 'tainted Bruce'. In this form, he can feel the sins of everyone around him and read their emotions and is always burdened and cannot feel for himself. You are all terrified of me now. This is my curse, this is my curse because I am tainted."

 

"Go on, I am waiting for you to be your usual sarcastic, witty, intelligent, humorous self when in this body."

 

Tony can't even speak.

 

Bruce just laughs in a painful and hopeless way, "Yes, thought so."

 

He waves his hand and Tony is himself again.

 

He then turns to the others, "Do you think you are monsters, still? You are not, trust me, compared to what I am right now, you are not monsters. Don't think of yourselves like that because you deserve better and you are all great people, you have come to realize that, haven't you?"

 

He closes his eyes and sighs.

 

"Do you know how painful it's to live you life knowing that you will always be alone and never loved? That the world would be a better place if you were dead and that no one would miss you or care if you died... hell, no one would notice if you were dead? To watch your hopes crash and burn? You know it will happen and you can never stop it, no matter how desperately you try... That was the kind of life I was living."

 

"I wasn't even living, I was just 'not dead'. I thought that was changing with you guys, I really was. This is why I don't hope or wish for things that I can't usually get."

 

He takes a deep breath, "I know how that feels, that loneliness, that anguish, that desperation, that hatred... I know how it feels, I wish I didn't but I do and I always will and it will never change no matter what because I am fucking tainted..."

 

"I am so sorry that I entered all of your lives, that you had to see me in this form, for that I... forgive me."

 

He then looks at Tony, "I really wished that you would love me..."

 

"You know what? I usually have better control than this. I haven't turned like this in nearly 7 years and this happened 9 years ago. Two years after I was turned into the Hulk. I lived in seclusion and trained myself hard. I couldn't control the Hulk but I wanted to beat this. Falling in love with you, living with you all, I thought it would make me stronger but it has made me weaker."

 

He chuckles humorlessly as he looks at everyone's faces. They still can't speak or get out of his black magic's after effects. Black magic has that kind of effect on people.

 

He sighs with a heavy heart. "I will leave, don't ever search for me."

 

He slowly starts walking away, more like stumbling and trying to catch onto the walls for support, he couldn't even stand straight properly. Tony finally gets enough strength and rushes towards Bruce and grabs his hand and holds on as if his life depends on it.

 

He whispers, "Don't leave, Bruce, don't leave. I should h-ave un-derstood you... I are sorry, I am sorry, I was a brat and a bastard... sorry... please stay, we can start over... we realized our good side and became a family because of you, how can you not be a part of it? And how can I think I don't love you? That's the reason I got jealous and stupid and am in this mess and put you through pain!"

 

Bruce chuckles gravely, "That sounds tempting, Stark... but I can never truly belong anywhere. I am a cursed being who has lost his reason and way. I cannot control this anymore. I have turned into this monster too much and after a count, I cannot control my transformations anymore. That's why I was very careful for 8 years. Moreover, you don't have to say you love me just out of pity." 

 

"I am a threat to everyone and I am on the verge of staying like this forever. And if seeing me like this is what makes you want me to stay, I would rather fucking die. Unfortunately, I can't have that pleasure."

 

Tony lets go of his hand as if he has been shocked physically. He growls, "You never believe me, Bruce! This is why I never told you that I love you... you don't want to believe in us, you don't want to believe in me. You want to escape and don't face this. This can be your true life, if you decide to stay, Bruce, please, don't go."

 

Bruce shakes his head.

 

Everyone winces at the choice of Bruce's words. They are at fault indirectly. They should have pestered Bruce and should have learnt about this and helped him sooner. Blaming themselves is not going to help anyone, let alone Bruce.

 

Steve whispers, "Thor can help us, he knows about magic, I think this time things will be different Bruce, please try one last time? Maybe you will get your form back, Bruce, I love you, Tony does, everyone does. You belong with us, I, no... we can feel it."

 

Bruce hesitates a little. Thor nods in enthusiasm.

 

Natasha latches onto Steve's words, "Don't leave, you have given us so much, let us give you something in return... I really do like you, Bruce. Things may not have started out well between us but we can restart. Please let me, us, prove it to you?"

 

Natasha, Thor, Steve and Clint nod and smile weakly at Bruce.

 

Tony hesitates but finally speaks up, "I do love you, Bruce... you are just a bit thick headed to accept that. Let us help you change this time..."

 

Bruce starts walking towards the stairs, he doesn't know what to do. He wants to stay, he is tempted, he wants to be with them, he wants to love, be loved and belong. He is so damn tired, so damn fucking, freaking upset, he doesn't want to be alone, he doesn't want to fight alone, he doesn't want to carry burdens on just his shoulder anymore.

 

But he doesn't want to get hurt all over again and watch his hopes break into pieces from such a great height, this time, he had let himself become vulnerable because of the five of them, before this, he had always been guarded.

 

He wants to be alone in his room to just think, he feels very weak and tired, he just wants a good rest before all this shit and decisions. He loses his balance and falls down the stairs painfully hitting each step, the barrier disappears as he loses control and immediately everyone rushes towards him.

 

He backs away, it all feels very overwhelming, "Don't come... near... please..."

 

They all stop a little bit away from him, it is still very close to him. They are in his personal space and he doesn't want that to be invaded right now.

 

His form slowly starts to disappear, "Please just leave me alone for some-time..." He turns into the normal Bruce and faints.

 

Thor gently picks him up and heads towards his own floor with everyone beside him. They are not going to leave Bruce alone anymore at all. They are going to annoy him to death and help him even if he turns into Hulk and throws them out, they will come back and stick onto him like glue. 

 

Not only because Bruce has done a lot for them and they have to repay but because they genuinely care for him. It's not a debt they are clearing or repaying. They care for the man and they are going to drill it into him till he becomes sick of them in a good way. He is not getting rid of them easily.

 

**********

 

Bruce wakes up and he immediately regrets it. His body aches as if he was stomped on by bears or something. He has a pounding head ache, his throat is dry and the room is too damn bright. He groans and he winces as he hears Thor's excited booming voice. "The good doctor is awake!"

 

And everyone rushes towards Bruce's side, Tony leaving the book on black magic he was reading, Steve leaving the apples he was pealing for everyone, Clint waking up from a nap and Natasha her phone.

 

Tony says, "You are not going anywhere. You don't have to forgive me now..."

 

Bruce interrupts, "Or ever?"

 

Tony looks horrified and everyone blinks but they realize that Bruce's dry humor is back. It looks like Bruce has made his decision. Bruce looks at all of them in the eye and says, "I want to stay and give this a try. This may turn out to be the best thing or my worst nightmare which will come back to bite my ass later but I will worry about all that shit later. I want to not give up."

 

And Bruce is glomped by everyone, even Natasha. Steve never thought that the Avengers would be involved in a group hug, ever but times are changing.

 

Thor smiles and pats Bruce roughly on the back. "We will make this work, I know a lot about the kind of magic that affects you. We can get it right after a few tries, my comrade."

 

Everyone just nods. Finally breaking the silence, Tony whispers, "Can we give 'us' a try, Brucey?"

 

Bruce doesn't say anything but he nods after what feels like a long time. "We will get to that, Tony. We are going to be staying here for the foreseeable future after all. We are not getting rid of each other and are going to be in each other's business sometime soon."

 

No one is surprised by Bruce's sarcastic humor. It's like a self defense mechanism. Moreover, it's good that he is talking. But they know that beneath all this lies fear, anticipation, doubts, hesitation. This is a facade.

 

But they will make things work.

 

And this time, maybe finally this time, things will be better and a 'good different' for Bruce and for everyone and they will become the family they were meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)


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